In February of this year I stated that Campagnolo manufactured the very first mechanical disc brakes. “Fake News”, I hear you Eagle readers mutter... Well, just like January 1999’s column, where I finished by stating that Campagnolo manufactured the first magnesium automotive wheels, Tullio has produced a number of outside inventions relatively unknown within the cycling community.

Your Narcissist in Chief, however, uses that verbal rebuff to discredit oppositional news items (such as research from the scientific community, challenges from dignified professional women, protests from black Americans being shot by white cops, hypocritical treatment of Hispanic manual labour, global initiatives forwarded by foreign governments, etc., etc.). So in this month’s column, I thought I might provide - as a public service - some “Iron Curtain” remnant misinformation, which I’ve stumbled across while cycling through Central Europe.

Back on a group ride in Budapest a number of years ago I came across a bike lying on its back, on the shoulder of the road, its owner, in a “Fox and Friends dead air moment”, was lost in a quandary over his flat rear tyre. I stopped and asked if I could help, making a motion for his quick release skewer. The balmy fellow started shouting at me not to touch the device, saying that Sh(censored)o must have a better method of removing wheels than the old world technology of quick release skewers!

Several years later I was in a reputable bike shop in Prague, witnessing an “Info Wars deep state conspiracy moment”,  between a customer and the mechanic. The mechanic was performing the said customer’s scheduled bike maintenance, which involved removing the bike’s front fork for inspection. Well the customer flipped out, raking the mechanic over the coals for “breaking the appliance’s factory seal” -  by pulling apart the bike’s headset and thus, he claimed, voiding Sh(censored)o’s warranty! 

Then, fairly recently, I was in a trendy coffee roaster in Vienna, where a hipster was holding court on how she had managed to save 200 grams of overall weight on her fixie by ditching her cycling helmet. She claimed that helmet laws were governmental restrictions on her personal freedoms anyway. She also questioned as to how she, in a “National Enquirer wardrobe malfunction moment”, was possibly going to land a Sh(censored)o sponsorship contract while hiding her perfect facial bone structure and coiffed hair underneath such an encumbrance!

I trust now everyone can discern “Fake News” from “Fake Governance”  -Euro Freddie.

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Criterium Corner with Euro Freddie