Criterium Corner with Euro Freddie

 

A funny thing happened on the way home from the airport. Belgian Classics superstar, and World Cup points phenomenon, Johan Museeuw, was waiting outside my flat, where he informed me that there was a homecoming party in progress, inside, as he had lent my key to the Assos trade show booth girls... First off, I must inform you Eagle readers, that Johan is a close, personal friend of mine, such that he has been house sitting my flat over the last 18 months, while I was on my Eastern sojourn. Secondly, for those of you who haven’t experienced the Assos trade show booth, let me bring you up to speed. The Assos theme for the last several years has been a high-tech, black & chrome disco bar, hosted by a bevy of blonde, gyrating young women, zip-locked into minimal, black lycra garments. So I turned to tell Johan that this better be one of his famous practical jokes when... I noticed that he had disappeared... And that my antiperspirant was beginning to fail me. I ventured in and assessed that the party had been in full swing for quite some time. These gals were drinking strawberry daquiries, right out of the pitchers. My living room was totally trashed, as these young women, quite literally, couldn’t hold their liquor. There were dropped, slippery pitchers of pink concoction all over my carpet, drapes, and sofa.


Then this morning, a van pulls up to my place and the driver drops off a brand new sofa, compliments of yep -Assos. And what a sofa this beauty is, for it’s an anatomically cut, 64 panel, fully constructed from custom ACDL Lycra, black mama-jama. Upon unfolding the item for further inspection, I was impressed to find 144 Campionissimo chamois sewn over the entire surface of the bed. The accompanying hang tag states: “Campionissimo chamois are engineered to freely follow the moving skin in motion.” Also included was a card which read: “Pajama Party, New Year’s 2002? -Nikki.” Then, this afternoon, I received a case of strawberry Assos Chamois Cream in the mail, confirming that the originator of lycra cycling apparel is still “Numero Uno.”


Remember to practice safe cycling -Euro Freddie.


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