Criterium Corner with Euro Freddie


So what goes into making Il Campionissimo, or “The Champion of Champions”? Fausto Coppi was known to win stages by a phenomenal 20 minutes or so. Even the great Eddy Merckx couldn’t match that. Sadly however, we will never know what Coppi was truly capable of, for WWII placed a big hole right in the prime of his racing career - as the Tour de France was stopped for 7 years during the war. Furthering his misfortunes, Fausto also succumbed to an early death, having contracted a fatal case of malaria in North Africa.

So, other than drinking lots of Gin & Tonics to keep the mosquitoes at bay, what type of targeted training will give you a Fausto physique? Be forewarned however, that his body was born to race, with a bird-like protruding rib cage, diminutive shoulders, huge muscular quads, arms to his knees, and a built in chamois pad!

OK, the chamois pad thing is kind of weird, but the rest of Fausto’s anatomy should be somewhat achievable:

  1. 1. By sleeping only on your side at night, you will compress your shoulders and force your rib cage to push out in front, becoming a more open, cylindrical breathing chamber.

  2. 2. By sleeping in a cycling position, with one leg drawn up, you can lace your hands under your foot and push, thus lengthening the arms and strengthening the quads.

  3. 3. By repeatedly following these exercises each night, you should be able to alter your physiognomy, quite possibly resulting in a lifetime of chronic chiropractic bills.

Yes, they sure don’t make champions like Fausto Coppi anymore... Nowadays half of the professional peloton seem to be using asthma inhailers, supercharged by Big Pharma.   Make history with heros, not huffers!  -Euro Freddie.

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