“Freddie san... Wakie, wakie... EurO-K, Freddie san. Rise with the Sun. It’s summer time and choosing bike parts is easy, fishing reel sales are jumpin’, and production is high... Freddie san, why prolong your slumber? For the past 10 years we have been the largest, privately owned company in the world. It is useless to resist. Give up your foolish column and learn to embrace the omnipotent Dura-Ace. We have been very fair up until now. We have even allowed your beloved little Campagnolo to linger on, so as not to disturb you while you were dreaming your dreamy little dreams. But it’s time to awake and face The New Day. We now own all of the European professional cycling teams. And as of this dawn, we now own you, Freddie san. Are you awake? Look into the mirror. What brand name do you see tattooed across your tongue? Come on... Now say the word... SAY THE WORD FREDDIE SAN!”
“ShimAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
TULLIO! What a nightmare! Thank Tullio it was only a nightmare. (I hear the sound of my own heavy breathing, and then the sound of my radio/alarm clock going off) CLICK. “Hey, it looks like another hellacious commute out there in Amsterdam this morning... The bike paths are choked with Batavus’ grinding along on Nexus drivetrains... Here’s a wake-up tune from Curtis Mayfield, goin’ out to brighten your day...”
Heidi, hiee (musical intro to song)
Everybody’s misused him, misconstrued and refused him- now Euro Freddie’s Dead. (musical theme returns)
Now he’s just another fan, pushin’ Dura-Ace for the Man- Euro Freddie’s Dead.
Hey, heyee (music fades)
TULLIO! How many times must I say Campagnolo’s name in vain! What is going on? Why is today so freakishly horrible? What can possibly be... Oh dear Tullio, it’s the Tour! That Asian bike parts monolith finally won... -TO BE CONTINUED-