It’s that time of year again for my reader response column, and the letters I’ve received in front of me have some pretty impressive stamps...
“Euro, Brother: I would like to congratulate you, on behalf of the Christian World, on being the first cycling literary to be canonized, pre-mortem. The missionary work you have done for Campagnolo, around the globe, not to mention the personal care you have faithfully provided toward my sacred, Campagnolo 50th Anniversary Gruppo, #002, has been deemed by the Holy Catholic Order worthy of Sainthood. Your pseudonym shall be invoked on the lips of the masses for perpetuity. Pope John Paul (George & Ringo). P.S. When in Rome, stop by for a quick nip.” -Well, I’m speechless... But I would like to give special thanks to my mother, Betty Freddie, for setting me on the journalism path by teaching me how to read and write.
“Euro, Friend: As the 14th reincarnate of the Dalai Lama, and in the advancing years of my life, I have decided to draft a solitary will. As a devout Buddhist monk, I have sworn off material possessions. So what’s up with the will, you may well ask? Well, there is this small transgression of 60, red Italian bicycles, which I’m afraid my reincarnation to the 15th Dalai Lama, will not be possible, without letting them go. And so I am bequeathing you, Euro Freddie, my entire collection. Please take them, knowing that you are performing the highest favor possible, by allowing me to achieve final enlightenment. Your pal, Dalai Lama.” -Wow! Again I find myself speechless... But I would like to give another special shout out to my father, Reddy Freddie, for pointing me in life’s right direction, by purchasing my very first bicycle.
“Euro...Trash: Me, my dad, and the boys here at D.C. have decided that in the name of Homeland Security, we are terminating your foreign, influence peddling column. The Christian Right have expressed to me their deep displeasure at your unrestricted access to the papacy. My campaign financiers have made it clear to me how un-Amer’can bicycle counter culture is with respect to automotive and oil industry goals. And the Sh(censored)o brothers have also expressed to me their troubled concerns about how your personal views are aligned with the subversive Campagnolo Party. We, the Amer’can People, are engaged in a struggle for Amer’can Freedom, and there will be no peace until each and every one of you persistently foreign-types, is silenced. Don’t think that our war of Pure Naked Aggression on Saddam Hussein, couldn’t be duplicated anywhere xenophobia strikes, Euro Freddie, like say, even in your little country of Europe! I mean, the audacity of renaming your currency the Euro Dollar, and then what really chafes my marshmallows is watching your goat-loving country’s currency go up, while the Amer’can Dollar takes it on the nose! Yep, by the powers vested in me through the First Amendment, your tongue is TOAST! Signed, George W.” -It appears I truly have been rendered speechless.
<INDEX NOVEMBER - 2002 ...but what’s THIS?