“Hello, my name is Bodhisattvas Ltd., and I will be your 3-speed, transportation hostess this month. I would like to personally thank you for choosing Bodhisattvas Ltd. as your carrier, as we know there are many bicycles to choose from when you are making your travel arrangements. And, if there is anything at all which may increase your traveling pleasure, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“During the course of our trip, I will be pointing out my various safety features, my selection of refreshments, and how to unclog my loo. But for right now please feel free to sit back and enjoy the scenery, as we travel from New Delhi to Varanasi, along the sacred Ganges river. It is every Hindu’s wish to be set ablaze on a funerary pyre, and float down the Ganges, at least once in their many lifetimes. En route we will be passing through the city of Kanpur, with one of India’s highest literacy rates. It is here where large American Corporations will redirect your complaint calls, in an attempt to simmer the disgruntled into a saag paneer-type consistency. And our final destination, Varanasi, is said to be the oldest, constantly inhabited city in the world, with a Historical Society membership listing in the millions...”

(...who could be following me... no, preceding me... and leaving a bread crumb trail of Campagnolo parts... the CIA?... impossible, they’re in bed with the Sh(censored)o imperialists... the KGB?... never, they’re aligned with the SRAM/Sachs communists... MI6?... no way, they’re in cahoots with the MAVIC socialists... UPS?... nah, they’re shlepping with the Bike Nashbar consumerists... SOB?... nope, they’re associated with the Bike Nashbar returns departmentalists...)

“And here we are in wonderful, historic Varanasi, please mind your step as you get out of the Campy Superleggera toe clips. I would just like to say what a pleasure it has been serving you Mr. Freddie, and might I add that I have never been in the presence of a passenger who was more wickey in the wacky woo.    (Still confused, BUT I’M WORKING ON IT! -Global Freddie.)

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